Hello, old friend, it’s been a while. It’s been over a year, in fact. I have not written to you since my travel stories from Cuba and even then, my blogging was sporadic at best. Why? I ask myself that question every day. I think my failure to write has been part distraction and part denial. Keep reading as I attempt to explain what’s gone down in the past year and a half.
First, there’s something you should know about me: I box. I’m a habitual, almost addictive, boxer. And by that, I mean I love keeping things in neat boxes! I have small boxes for little things like buttons and pennies and bigger boxes for the things I can’t seem to let go of like all the size 8 clothes I outgrew in 2016. In my kitchen cupboard, the spice bottles are placed in threes, inside Ziploc bags, inside transparent plastic boxes. Inside my purses, boxes aren’t very feasible. So, I have bags. A red bag I keep tampons and liners in. A clear bag with over-the-counter allergy medicine, pain medicine, and band aids for just in case. A fabric bag where I keep my aligners, toothpaste, and floss in. The most important bag within my bag is the one where I keep the pens in, always a minimum of three colored ones. In my office, I have jars. A mason jar for paperclips, another for magnets, another for rolls of tape. I keep post-its and stickers in 5” x 8” sheet protectors – organized inside a mini-binder. I own (and use) 2 planners. Still, all my events are entered in my Google calendar, color coded, and synced to my phone. Notifications always on.
I’d be downplaying it if I simply said I like having things in my life neatly compartmentalized. It turns out I have been compartmentalizing my self too.
Online, I was safe keeping all my personal writing on the A Girl in Her Thirties website. For years, I shared raw confessional memoir essays and advice on this website. I gave you pep-talks and tried to share the lessons I was learning. When I felt inspired, I shared my travel stories to illustrate how finding yourself in your thirties can mean losing yourself in unknown places. That was one compartment, the other being social media. I’ve been sharing about my mental health and self-care practices on Instagram and even tweeting the occasional poem or quote.
And, let me tell you – it all just got to be so overwhelming! Often, I felt as though I was watching myself drown – like if I was in a dream sequence I couldn’t wake from.